There are days when you wonder why on Earth you got yourself into this field. And today, I don't care how much money you throw at me, you could not convince me to go into Psychiatry. For starters, I walked into one patient's room and almost keeled backwards from the smell. Our patient has dementia and she's had a nasty diarrhea for the last few days. And today, it ended up EVERYWHERE. You could hardly breathe never mind ask her how she was doing.

Then we have another patient whose been on the wards for 3 months awaiting placement in a special program, at a cost of $1500/day. Well 3 months later they finally called and he decided that he didn't want to go to the program after all!!! And the province of Alberta has paid
$135 000 for him to reach his final decision. Then this morning another patient alleged that last night he walked into her room and assaulted her, and she wants to press charges.

Then we have another patient who is the WORST borderline personality disorder patient in the world. Absolutely classic. No control over her emotions. Doesn't assume responsibility for a single thing. Either loves you or hates you. Well this morning, she told me that she didn't think therapy would work for her because NOTHING works for her. So I said that if she was going into the program expecting it to fail, then no, it probably wouldn't work for her. And for my trouble, I get a 'well why are you being so asshole-y today'.

Then another doctor's patient was behaving extremely badly and was kicked out of hospital. She responded by destroying everything she could get her hands on and throwing a pitcher of water at my fellow student intern.

Today the counter-transference issues are huge. Today, I just need to get away from the hospital, get away from the patients and get away from everyone who thinks that healthcare worker is synonymous with shit magnet. Today, I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate my job.

Happy Birthday to my Dad! He now qualifies for seniors' discounts at select establishments. Teeheee.

Daydreaming of frolicking in the sunshine, Marble Slab ice cream/Fiasco gelato, and working towards something that resembles a tan. The weather was beautiful this weekend but only temporarily so as the snow will be returning tomorrow =( On the plus side, next week will be a visit home for my Dad's birthday complete with Towa and lots of spoilage.

Labels: Wishful thinking

A quick review of blog posts past reveals that I am notoriously bad at blogging unless something pisses me off. And nobody likes someone who complains all the time.

The last 3 weeks on Psychiatry have been like a different world. Believe it or not, I'm on call at the moment. Yet somehow I left the hospital by 1:00 PM, I got various errands out of the way, I had a great latte and did some studying, I ate a home-cooked dinner and I'm trying to organize a little get-together for later tonight. Some days I find myself withdrawing into a world of pagers and charts, patients and far more knowledge than I will ever be able to internalize. With the exception of a few people, I seldom make the effort to crawl out of this shell. It's just easier somehow. To make the excuse that I'm on call, or that I really need to study, instead of reaching out and connecting with people. And the more I pull away into my work, the worse of a student I become, the harder it is to empathize with my patients.

Psych has been a different kind of difficult. Not so hard on the brain, very trying on my patience. Hard to relate to patients whose ailments are in their minds. And almost impossible to relate to patients whose ailments are in their personalities. The very term 'personality disorder' explains it all. We all have flaws, but to think that someone's personality, the core of their being, is so flawed that we label it as an ailment, a disease, is beyond me.

Much to think about. Trying to arrange electives to come out East sometime this fall. The residency match for the 4th year class has come and gone, and we're next.

Finally a break! Looking forward to 6 weeks of quasi-normalcy.